I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
