I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
