Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
