i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think i have herpe
just one?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
