I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
