I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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