My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
