but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
