I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
