I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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