dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
