i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
