do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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