this beer tastes like vomit already
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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