Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
