No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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