using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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