Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
