hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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