I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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