there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
