Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
