she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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