Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
