I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
