you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
