420 ftw
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
