Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
