I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just google imaged poop.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
