Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
