Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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