I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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