I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm too high and old for this...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
