Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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