So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
