So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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