His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
