Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
