bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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