Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
