Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
