Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
