Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
