the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
as a side note pls kill me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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