Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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