i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
