At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
