Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
