my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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