his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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