Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
