dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
