This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I want a musical about memes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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