If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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