I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
