If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
