How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
