I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
