i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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