Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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