just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
