My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
