He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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