My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
