You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
