are you still at the devil's house?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
