So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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