were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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