think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
