I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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