i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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