Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
