Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
