why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
