tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
