Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
