I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize