apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
