Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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