my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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